Would you rather…..

A very quick post from me tonight whilst my blogger’s block is still at bay.

Today at work a group of my colleagues and I mused over the following hard hitting issues affecting everyday life in society today….

Would you rather….

Be attacked by a dwarf wielding a big sword or a giant wielding a toothpick?

Have a quaver for a nose or wotsits for fingers?

Be a monkey with the brain of a human or a human with the brain of a monkey?

Pee yourself in public or poo yourself in public?

(There seems to be a split according to gender on the last one, with one of my male colleagues saying “I’d poo myself, contain it in my pants, drop it off at the toilet and be back on the dancefloor throwing some shapes while you were still drying your trousers”)

The usual productive day…

Everyone has a story to tell

Everyone has a story to tell. Telling it doesn’t start with the ability to, it starts with the willingness to. Every story needs a beginning, and every story begins the same way. With the desire to tell it.

That desire may be to entertain, to share, to educate, maybe to enlighten….. Sometimes just to make sense of it. To rationalise it. Understand it. See it. Feel it. Hear it.

That’s my desire.

For my story to exist somewhere other than just inside me. Somewhere where I can see it, rather than clumsily fumbling in the dark in my mind trying to identify the shapes of it.

Can you fill an empty page with a thousand words and still have an empty page?

Yes, I believe you can. If those words don’t come from the right place, I do believe you can.

Fill an empty page with a thousand words charged with emotion, and fuelled by desire, and you’ve got yourself a story. That makes every single word of your story important, and that’s the way it should be.

What happens to you in your life doesn’t define who you are, what you do about it does. That’s what makes each story different, unique, but still comparable in importance.

This brings me to a story I read yesterday. I was already familiar with this story.  I know the detail, I know the facts, I know a lot, but definitely not all the emotions of this story.

I know the people in this story because they are included in mine. Without this story, parts of mine wouldn’t exist.

Although I know this story, reading it still moved me, and humbled me. I’d never seen it written before. In full chronology. From the beginning. I felt the emotion and the honesty of every word, and I appreciate how difficult a story it must be to tell.

So, here is that story. Please click on it and read it.

http://www.birthtraumaptsd.com/experiences/placenta-accreta-and-haemorage/

Everyone has a story to tell.  Some just haven’t found the willingness or the voice to tell it yet. Lets hope some day that happens.

I like. I don’t. I am. Me. Who?

I like the morning. I dislike the afternoon.  I like to wake up early in the mornings, even on weekends.

I like sleeping with the curtains open so I can see outside when I wake up. I like the first full body stretch of the day. I dislike lights on in the house in the daytime. I like the moon and a clear night sky.

I like afternoon naps. I like being so tired that I can’t keep my eyes open. As long as it’s at a time when sleep is appropriate. And not dangerous.

I like running in the rain. I like pushing myself further each time. I like the dull ache of my muscles in the days after exercise. I like showers. Not baths.

I like it when my cats purr, and the little “brrrrt” noise they make when I’ve disturbed them from their sleep.

I like whisky. Neat. Always neat. Single Malt. I like red wine over white. I like it when I go to the bar of a pub and my drink is poured without the need to ask for it. That’s familiarity.

I like it when friends know how I take my coffee without needing to ask me. That’s also familiarity. I know that I make this awkward for my friends because I alternate between black coffee, and white coffee. Sometimes with sugar, sometimes without.

I like black tea, but I’ll only ever drink tea with milk in if I’m ill. Then I like sweet weak tea. Not milky. Weak. There’s a difference.

I like it when friends text me for no other reason than just to say hello, or how are you?. I like that they’re thinking of me when they don’t have to. I dislike it when I don’t get replies to texts I’ve sent. Especially if I’ve asked a question. Although I know I’m guilty of that myself.

I like a plan as long as it’s not a definite plan.  I like last-minute decisions. Usually made by someone else. I don’t make bad decisions, but I’m not good at making any decisions. I can’t make lists, but I admire people who can. I can be on time when I need to be, but more often than not, I’m late. Sometimes through choice. Maybe always through choice.

I like that I still have strong friendships from school in my adult life. I now understand the depth of childhood friendships. I know I didn’t appreciate that when they were formed all those years ago.

I like mashed parsnip. Ridiculous considering I loathe potatoes cooked that way. I detest them so much, that I can’t bring myself to write the words together. I like that people who know this about me avoid saying it. The thought of it repulses me. Maybe it’s a phobia. Either way it’s weird.

One of my favourite childhood books is ‘The Clown of God’. Truly amazing book, but clowns now unnerve me. The film ‘IT’ is to blame for that. Or rather Pennywise is to blame for that. Ultimately Stephen King is to blame for that.

I like black & white films. Especially ‘Goodbye Mr Chips’. I dislike horror films. I still re-read all my Roald Dahl books. I like reading books I read as a child. I like reading new books.

I like the smell of petrol but I dislike putting petrol in my car. I like the smell of a pipe and the noise of a drink being poured. I like the noise of gravel crunching. I dislike whistling and the noise of metal scraping against metal. I like open fires especially when they crack and pop.

I like playing with the magnetic poetry words my friends have on their fridge in their house. I like that those friends feel like my family.

I like Thursday night tea with my parents, and Sunday dinners at their house when everyone is there. Especially in the summer. I like playing in the garden afterwards with my niece and nephew. I like watching them grow up. I dislike the speed at which that is happening.

I like coincidences. I like serendipity. I like things I can’t explain. I dislike not being able to explain them. If only to myself. I like instinct. Gut instinct. I’m learning to trust mine more.

I like it when I solve a problem I had, or someone else’s for them. I like learning something new. I like trying something new. I like creating. I like creating memories and then cherishing them.

I like history. I like looking at really old photos of my family despite not knowing who most of them are. I like hearing stories about them. I like trying to imagine the world they lived in, and what they’d think of mine.

I like that I can usually acknowledge my faults. But I dislike them. All of them. I dislike that I don’t always see my strengths. I like the fact that those close to me can see them when I can’t.

Charles Haanel – The Master Key System – Stage 2

I know in an earlier post I said that I was embarking upon a 24 week goal surrounding the 24 chapters of Charles Haanel – The Master Key System, but I fear it’s going to take me longer..

It’s not that I haven’t tried, I’ve just been busy….. That may seem like an excuse to some, and… well, yeah it is a little bit. Why put myself under needless pressure though? I’ll get through the book, it will just take me longer than 24 weeks, that’s all.

Chapter 1 – I’ve nailed that. I’ve read, re-read, re-read again, looked up words I didn’t know the meaning of, and followed the exercises. Sit still for 15 – 30 mins a day… The early stages of meditation.

I can do that. I’ve always been able to do that. I’ve always been able to daydream and I’ve always been able to sit still… I do it frequently in work.. (don’t tell anyone that though)..Now I’m just applying it slightly differently.

Chapter 1 – Passed.

Now on to chapter 2.

I’m in the early stages of chapter 2, but something is starting to click… Actually more than click… Beat… Something is starting to beat.

I’m changing a little bit. I’m growing a little bit. Part of my conscious mind is throwing good, wonderful, provoking  mud at my subconscious mind and it’s starting to stick.

I’m going to be good at this…. I am good at this.

There are some days in your life you’ll never forget

Sometimes, there are days you don’t ever want to forget. Days so perfect that if you could paint a picture of how you wanted it to look, it would look like that. If you could write the script for that day, it would be as you’d have written. Days you’ll want to preserve from every test and trick that time has. Sometimes these are days of great significance, sometimes these are just normal days. Either way, if a thief came into your mind trying to steal your memories, these are the ones you’d gather up behind you to protect with all your strength.

The weekend just gone was one of these occasions. The weekend celebrated an important event. The Christening of my beautiful Goddaughter.

Rewind about 8 years or so….

I was walking to my car from work one Friday evening with the intention of going to the gym. It was a summer’s evening with a clear blue sky. The perfect beer garden weather. Whilst walking past a pub, there was a lady from work sitting outside. We’d exchanged pleasantries in work, had the odd polite chat, but we didn’t know each other. This lady asked if I wanted to join her for a drink. (I feel I must add, that she wasn’t drinking alone in the pub, she was with a group of colleagues!). I accepted…… Fate must have been late clocking off from work that day, because accepting that drink has led to accepting a life long friendship.

You know how sometimes you’re describing people or telling a story and you’ll say “My friend’s mother or husband or sister” etc etc… I don’t do that when I’m describing these people. I don’t do that because I describe them as “my friend”. Because they are. A friendship struck over a beer with one person has led to a friendship struck over a lot of beer with an entire family.

I think a test of a good friendship is when you feel comfortable enough just to sit in their company. Like you do with your own family. You don’t have to speak, you can just sit… I can do that with these friends. I can just sit. I enjoy their company, I love their stories, I appreciate how dear each of them is to me.

Fast forward to present day…. When my friends gave birth to their 2nd child in September, they asked me to be Godmother.

Now, you can never underestimate what an honour this is. When a parent asks you to be a Godparent, what they are saying is “We trust you”… “We trust you with the most precious item God has given us.. Our child”..

As part of my christening gift, I wrote my Goddaughter a poem and had it made into a book. I wanted something she could have for life to remind her that I will always protect her and guide her. The message I wanted to convey was that being a Godmother is more than just a title, and lasts longer than just the christening day. It lasts a lifetime. I’ve spoken in earlier posts about passion, well.. passion helped me write that poem. I’m passionate about being the best Godmother I can. I’m passionate about doing the best I can for my godchildren.

I had two copies made, one for me, and one for her.

What I didn’t expect was for my friend to read it out at the church before the service. My friend said that they had wanted to respect the time and effort I had taken to write it and wanted to share it with everyone… That’s the kind of people they are.

It’s actually quite difficult for me to put into words how that made me feel. I sat in the church with my Goddaughter on my lap hearing the words I’d written to her spoken aloud for the first time by her mother.. My friend. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so humbled and yet so proud at the same time. It was perfect.

Every word we speak creates a vibration, which is why we should always choose our words carefully. It’s like when you throw a pebble in a still pond. The water level in the pond rises, and changes because you have added to it, and the ripples created continue far beyond the point of impact.

That’s what happened Saturday. Part of the world’s vibration rose and changed, caused by my words, my dedication to a beautiful little girl. They exist now.  They were spoken, with perfect emotion and perfect emphasis. Somewhere in the universe, their existence is causing ripples. Good ones I hope..

As for my friend, I didn’t think I could have any more respect and admiration for her than I did already… A truly remarkable, strong, beautiful, wonderful person.

Usually the tide of time brings waves that crash over you so quickly, you wish you could stem the flow to make sure your savour and enjoy every moment. On Saturday, time was very kind to us. It dripped slowly and carefully. If you could look inside every droplet, you would find smiling faces and warm-hearted emotions from wonderfully good people. If you could hear every droplet fall, you would hear the echoes of laughter, the chatter of good conversation and spoken words of affection.

Saturday I became a Godmother for the fourth time, so the following is dedicated to my three Godson’s and my new Goddaughter….

I found a fairy in a jar.

When I opened it and set her free, I asked her to do something for me in return. Find you. Follow the path that connects me to you. A path where our footprints will be forever found.

I asked her to sprinkle fairy dust on your soul, so you may always have spirit in your heart and magic in your thoughts. I asked her to splash a fairy teardrop on you, so you may always feel your emotions. I asked her to whisper words of affection and encouragement into your ears so you may always hear the good echoing inside you.
I asked her to catch your wishes in a net and put them by the side of your bed in a jar, so as you grow older you’ll never forget them.
I asked her to light the paths in front of you with fireflies so you will always know the right one to take.
Finally I asked her to take a piece of my heart and drop it in your pocket. It is now yours. This way you will know that you are protected and loved by me. Always…

I did this so you know, fairies and Godmothers always go hand in hand together”

Happy St David’s Day

Happy St David’s Day!

Today the Welsh celebrate our patron saint… St David… or Dewi Sant.

My childhood memories of St David’s day are slightly bitter sweet.

Firstly, I hated wearing my welsh costume to school… Welsh girls everywhere have Lady Llanover to partly thank for that… She is thought to have championed the welsh costume during the 19th century to declare identity when it was thought to have been under threat.

This is what little Welsh girls have to endure every March 1st…

To be fair… This is a bad example… The hat was never that big usually!

Thats the bitter part…

The sweet part is that school on St David’s day consisted of a church concert in the morning and then a half day!..A half day off school!!!… Fantastic! This doesn’t happen any more, but when I was growing up, I think I was more grateful to St David for that, than I was for the miracles he was said to have performed..

This morning, it was an absolute joy to see little boys and girls on their way to school in welsh costumes,  or with daffodils and leeks pinned on their chests….

Now that I’m older, I understand more about St David, and the importance of a Country celebrating a national day… I’m proud to be Welsh, I’m proud of my Country and I’m proud of my heritage.

In the last sermon to his followers before his death, the last words thought to have been spoken by St David are…

“Do the little things in life”

A message still as important today as it was in the 6th century..

(I would have liked to have spoken more about St David, but I rather stupidly started this post at the eleventh hour (quite literally) and needed to publish it before midnight)

Stop Thinking!!!!

OK.

I’m in the first chapter of The Master System. A chapter devoted to thoughts, improvements through the quality of your thoughts. Understanding the natural power of your thoughts…and I failed.

Two days in to a 24 week goal and I failed.

Details aren’t important now, but suffice to say by 6pm yesterday, I was frustrated, irate, irked, vexed, and you can probably drop a little anger into the mix too..

So.. What to do? Think positively?.. I tried.. I really tried. I couldn’t.

My frustration grew. I knew this was no good. It wasn’t constructive but I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. Then came guilt over failing to stop thinking about it. Then came more frustration from feeling guilty. Then more guilt…Classic pink elephant syndrome.. Don’t think about a pink elephant….Ah bugger…

My thoughts were raging. My thoughts were feral, they hissed and spat at me every time I approached them in an attempt to tame them.

I couldn’t control them… But I was aware of them. My guilt was over my inability to stop them, but then I remembered my awareness of them. I was beating myself up over nothing..Awareness of them is having some control over them… So I made a decision….

I allowed them in…. I welcomed them, I shook hands with them and told them I was pleased to have them and to make themselves comfortable…. I lulled them into a false sense of security. I told them they could stay as long as they wanted…I joked with them, I played games with them, then I told them to go wait in the car and I’d be there in a minute… All of a sudden I fancied a night in…

I can still hear them beeping from time to time, but I can’t quite make out what they are saying.. I’m sure they’ll get the message soon though.

Regardless of the fact it was now 2am and I’d tossed and turned and found the cold side of the pillow 7 times, it had worked.

I hadn’t failed after all… It was a triumph. I was a triumph. I’d just flicked through the brochure of my mind and stopped at the pages I wanted. I’d just controlled my mind! I’m a mind controlling genius… A little optimistic there maybe…. but, I’m going to be good at this…

I’m going to be great…

Charles Haanel – The Master Key System

I don’t remember how I stumbled upon this book, but reading the blurb on the back compelled me to buy it. It read…

The Master Key System is one of the finest studies in self-improvement and higher consciousness ever written…… that not only leaves you feeling good, but also thinking good.  This book was banned by the Church and has been hidden away for seventy years!

I was intrigued, so I had to buy it. It’s sat on my bedside table for 2 months but I picked it up this morning and had a flick through.

Hold that thought for a second whilst I firstly explain some recent events and thoughts….

A very good friend of mine commented on one of my posts yesterday and mentioned my commitment to blogging. It got me thinking about why I am so committed to it. The reason I started blogging was to explore my writing style, to explore what it was like to write publicly rather than just think privately…..It’s become so much more than that. It’s become more important to me than I ever imagined it would.

I read some truly inspiring blogs every day. I speak to some truly inspirational people. I appreciate every hit I get, I’m grateful for every ‘like’ I get, and I’m so very happy with every new comment I get… Subscribing to my blog.. well, that just blows my mind!

I made a conscious decision not to use my blog to rant or to be needlessly negative…. If and when I feel like that, I’ll continue to do it in thought only… and once I’m done thinking about it, I’ll counteract it with a positive blog post. Restore the status quo.

To give you an example… Driving home from work last Thursday, I made a mental ‘to do’ list in my head for the evening. It’s quite unusual for me to do this as I’m not a list kind of girl. I’m envious of those who are.

Anyway, my list was

  • Make Tea
  • Make lunch for tomorrow
  • Change bedding and put pyjamas on before I…
  • Pull pretty much contents of wardrobe out and iron everything

1 – 3 went without a hitch. I then came to point 4. Ironing. I pulled everything out of the wardrobe, and I mean everything. Took it downstairs and made a big pile in the living room floor. I pulled out the ironing board and plugged in the iron….Nothing. I unplugged the iron, shook it about a bit, fiddled with the lead a bit, pressed every button and turned every knob. Plugged it back in… Nothing… I probably did that another 3 or 4 times before a voice in my head said…

Bethan, leave it go.. It’s gone… Time of iron death…8.21pm

I was livid!…Livid that I’d dragged everything downstairs, my plan for the evening had been ruined, I’d have to take everything unironed back upstairs, and the prospect of having to wear unironed clothes to work.

I was so frustrated that I gave the ironing board a little kick….. which instantly buckled and collapsed broken to the floor..

Thank you universe!, lesson learnt!.. I acknowledge the hideous overreaction, and consequences of said overreaction.

I didn’t realise you could feel embarrassment in an empty house when it’s only you who has witnessed the event..  But I did. When I told someone at work the next day about it, they genuinely looked at me in surprise and said “What the hell did you do that for, you’re usually so chilled about everything”

In contrast, today my kitchen light blew and the fitting crumbled when I took it out… Being without light in a room is a little more important than an iron breaking, but today I just thought ‘Oh well, I’ll buy another light fitting and fix it’…

So, my point is, I think my commitment to blogging is as much about my commitment to self exploration, discovery and self-development as much as it is to writing.. I wasn’t expecting that when I started to blog. That has crept in and taken me by surprise.

Looking at my past blog posts, the majority of them relate to having fun, to feeling good and thinking good… which brings me back (finally) to Charles Haanel!

This book is arguably one of the first of its kind to talk about harnessing the power of the subconscious and the law of attraction.

The book is split up into 24 parts, and suggests you should focus on them as weekly study courses. That’s what I intend to do. Over the next 24 weeks, I am going to study one per week, and post a weekly update on my progress.

By blogging about it, I’m committing myself to actually doing it, and by actually doing it, I’m committing myself to blogging about it..

It’s a win win situation!

You and who’s army?… Passion and his army actually

The alarm was snoozed, it was too cold to get up yet, and I was too tired. This morning, I lay in bed for far longer than I should have, thinking about what actually drives me to get out of bed in the morning. What do I really feel passionate about…. and what does passion do to a person?

Imagine if there was no passion in the world? The world would keep on spinning, but the greatest films would not have been made. The greatest songs would not have been sung. The greatest books would not have been written, and your greatest love of all time would not exist.

I don’t think passion alone will get you what you want or where you want. What will, is all the other emotions that passion stirs awake.. Emotions that join forces. Pledge allegiance to each other.  Promise to watch each other’s back. Allied bound to each other.

Together, they’re the offering hand that you grab to pick you up, or steady your fall. They’re the forceful hands you feel pushing against your back when you’re half way up the hill and too tired to walk any further. They’re the reassuring hand that holds yours when you’re scared.

But, sitting in the darkness, in the stillness of nothing, in the dead of night….critical, negative thoughts start to seep out of the corners of your brain. Whisper from the shadows, and escape into your conscious thought.

If you’ve already awoken the beast of passion inside of you, it’ll be that beast you call to your rescue.

Your brain sends out an SOS.

Passion hears.. He calls a trusted friend, Mr Power.

“Will? Are you there? Gather up the troops, we’ve got a situation…”

You can feel the vibration within you, the resounding beat as they all gather up their energy, synchronise,  and come galloping to the rescue.

Valiant Passion leads the pack. Behind him, his gallant, loyal army.

Mr Will Power, has mustered up the best soldiers you could hope for. Courage, Determination, Conviction, Confidence, Resolve, Nerve, Belief,  and finally Faith. Faith who insists on leaping everywhere and insists you try the same.

They come thundering in to slay the dragons of insecurity. Make no mistake, they’ll always win. Understand, that if you back them, they’ll always emerge the victors.

After the fight, you’ll still hear the chants and war cry’s of Passion’s army echo and reverberate inside of you. Listen to them, feel them pulsate, find their beat.

Then, and only then…is when you can pull the thorn of fear from your side, lift it triumphantly above your head, before throwing it to the lions of success to devour.

That….. is what passion can do for you…. If you let it.

Some life thoughts and observations

I’m sure I will add to the list as time goes by, but I’ve spent the last 10 minutes jotting down some observations and thoughts….

They are… (In no particular order)…

  • In school, teachers who didn’t want to be bothered always put their tie over their shoulder to make it look like they were in a hurry
  • Everyone will Google their name at some point in their life…. and probably be disappointed with the results
  • Sentences that start with “I’m not being funny.. but”, always end in an insult
  • Tea & toast always taste better when someone else has made it
  • Sometimes, for a split second, you can’t remember if dinosaurs were real or not
  • Every person in the world has fallen up the stairs at least once
  • “I’m fine” is code for “I’m furious with you”
  • Everyone has a pair of old trainers for gardening, and an old t-shirt for painting… and never wears either for each job
  • “It’s fine” is code for “It’s not, and I’ll be bringing it back up at a later date”
  • You’ve subconsciously judged every photo on Facebook of everyone with the same name as you
  • Nobody believes the message on Sky that your remote batteries must be replaced within 10 minutes
  • The three most important words to a child are…. “I’ll time you”

Feel free to add your own……

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