Jaffa’s book of plots and plans

Jaffa liked to let you know who was boss. It was him. Always.

My previous post mentioned a scar on my left hand caused by Jaffa. A lesson my 9 year old self has never forgotten.

The lesson….

Never put a hat on a cat’s head.

Never do this…


Or this…..

Jaffa was always more of a New York Jets fan

Jaffa did nothing at the time of these pictures other than store them in his infinite recall lobe. He later jotted them down in his Book of plots and plans. Unfortunately, I was to feature in this book on more than one occasion.

A while after these pictures were taken, and unsuspecting child version of me tried to go to bed one night. At the time I had bunk beds and used to sleep in the top bunk. This particular night, I had a guest awaiting me on my bed. Jaffa. Looking sleepy and cute.

I picked him up to move him to the bottom bunk. Whilst holding him in one hand and trying to negotiate the bunk bed ladder in slippers, I lost my footing and slipped.

I steadied my fall by grabbing hold of the bed, and Jaffa steadied his fall by grabbing hold of my hand… with his claws.

For a second, there we were.  I was hanging from the bed, and Jaffa was hanging from my hand.

Some might think this was purely an accident, but an extract from Jaffa’s Book of Plots and Plans tells a very different story………..

Reason for plot

The indignity suffered from being made to pose for photographs in a variety of hats.


Grease each rung of bunk bed ladder with a can of acme axle grease. Wait patiently on bed for target to arrive. Look sleepy and cute. Wait for target to move me to bottom bunk, and slip on greasy rung. Break own fall by using target. In the event of plan failure, do not panic as the risk of injury to self  is minimal. Will always land on feet, and have 9 lives intact.

Plan B if the above fails

Place banana skin outside target’s bedroom door, shut off electricity supply and mieow loudly at 3am.

Jaffa's book of plots and plans

Jaffa liked to let you know who was boss. It was him. Always.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Moira Pritchard
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 17:21:28

    Ha, ha, ha! Jaffa was the best! I could tell a wealth of stores too! I think he did love you – but had to remind you who was boss! You should have realised that you should have slept in the bottom bunk that night! I remember many nights when I would wake up half way down the bed as he’s subtly moved on to my pillow. I think he used to slowly push me off it with his gigantic ginger paws! When I woke up he’d be snoring ( obviously faking it) but I would be too scared to take a chance on moving him!!!


  2. bex
    Sep 16, 2011 @ 00:19:15

    hee, Jaffa sounds really awesome. although…i wonder that he didn’t destroy his book of plots and plans, you know, plausible deniability…he really does look far to dignified for these hats…i’m not saying you deserved to injured for what happened, i’m just saying…


    • bethanage
      Sep 16, 2011 @ 22:15:21

      I think his book of plots and plans was his legacy to the world! He was very dignified, and well principled. I’m sure if he had been happy to wear a hat then it would have been a bowler hat, and he would have hat tipped ladies as he passed them in the street.
      That doesn’t mean he wasn’t also capable of rolling up the sleeves of his precisely ironed shirt, tucking his tie into the gap between 2 buttons, placing his cuff links and watch somewhere safe so he could get his paws dirty in some back alley brawl


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